capacity
by broken halleluiah
Summary: After a routine council meeting, Pink Diamond insists on repairing a broken piece of equipment. The result is far more than she bargained for. One-shot.


**/ PearlRose / Diamond Theory / Multiple Pearls Theory / All Theories All the Time /**

* * *

The Pearl clears her throat. The sound echoes off the high-vaulted ceiling of the chamber.

"Presenting one Elbaite of the Fifth Precinct, bringing a case of civil concern before the Council."

"Send her in," Yellow Diamond commands, without looking up from the file she is reading.

The Pearl nods and pushes open the gigantic crystalline door on the right. The Pearl beside her holds opens the left door, allowing a short, messy-haired Gem to step across the threshold. They halt her there for a security scan, criss-crossing two beacons of blue light over her body. She is unarmed, and her gem free from corruption. The Pearl on the right bows and gestures for the Gem to enter the council room.

The Gem called Elbaite cautiously makes her way around to the front of the diamond-shaped table. The four most powerful people on all of Homeworld have pushed their hovering chairs back from it in order to view her at the best possible angle. White Diamond nods to the Pearl, and she nods back to her liege, switching on her recording capabilities. After the meeting has transpired, it is her responsibility to send the footage to the Databases to be archived. Elbaite has consented to this prior to her meeting in several dozen pages of paperwork.

Elbaite swallows visibly. "I want to thank you for receiving me this morning."

"Yes, Elbaite, I see that you've submitted a petition calling for a ban on sonic disruptors," Yellow Diamond glances up from the file, weaving her fingers together. She looks weary, though this is their first hearing of the morning. "I think that we will need you to define that term more thoroughly. What exactly is a 'sonic disruptor'?"

The Pearl knows. She waits quietly beside the right door to be consulted, as she should.

Elbaite nods anxiously. "Ah. Yes. Well, I know that you're familiar with the debate on standard-issue destabilizers."

"I know that it's been a hot button topic in the past," Yellow Diamond says. "Some very concerned citizens have insisted that destabilizers need stricter regulations put in place. They can lead to Gem damage and should not be used by any Gem even for self-defense purposes, outside of military action."

"Perhaps not even there," another of the leaders interjects.

Yellow Diamond holds up a hand for silence. "But that debate is for another time, Pink Diamond."

The leaders are formally addressed by the colors of their emblems, though in truth they are as muted and grayscale as everything else in the palace.

"Yes, I'm not here to talk about that," Elbaite continues. "The sonic disruptor… well, I can see how you wouldn't be familiar with it. It's a street weapon, not something you'd ever see in combat. It's an easy thing to construct from pieces of a standard destabilizer. It's sometimes called a Chisel. I wish…" She glances around the room. "Of course I haven't brought one. But I do wish I had been allowed some kind of visual representation. I- it took me many months to secure this appointment with you."

"Yes, I know," Yellow Diamond says dryly. "We're very busy."

White Diamond gives her a sharp look. "Don't worry, Elbaite. Feel free to make use of one of my Pearls for your demonstration." She gestures back to the doors, and Elbaite follows her gaze.

"Are they not only for security?"

White Diamond laughs. "Oh no, the Pearls in my chamber serve any number of purposes. Research and statistical presentation are one of their fortes."

She glances back and forth between the doors, and the Pearl's chest flutters with excitement when White Diamond points to her. "You there, come here and show us everything in your database on these 'Chisel' disruptors."

"Gladly, your Excellency." She loves presenting before the Council.

The Pearl bows and rounds the corner of the table, leaving her compatriot standing between the doors in a pose of stick straight regularity. She stands before the Diamonds and skims the petition with her eyes, then projects an image of the weapon before the group. "Is this the disruptor you were referring to?"

Elbaite nods slowly, taking in the holographic display. "That's incredible. Forgive me, I've never seen a real Pearl at work."

"No, I imagine there aren't many in the Fifth Precinct," Blue Diamond says.

"Of course not. I've heard they're terribly expensive," Elbaite lowers her voice, glancing at the Pearl cautiously. She does not react.

"Oh, it depends on the type that you get. A good one anymore is a pretty penny," White Diamond says, with an air of pride. "But this Pearl always functions at 110% percent."

That is neither true nor possible, but Pearl does not correct her liege. She _does_ maintain her best effort to function at 100% at all times, and feels herself stand a bit straighter, pleased with the praise.

Yellow Diamond shoots her liege a stern look. "Pearls are assigned by the Pearl Performance office to assist higher level officials. No one pays for them. _Only_ for their programming and training," she corrects. "Please speak properly about this."

"Yes, do you really want to get Pink Diamond on her soap box again?" Blue Diamond mutters.

Pink Diamond only says, "Please continue, Elbaite."

"Ah, yes, well as you can see from this diagram, the destabilizing vibrations have been tightened and increased in frequency."

The Pearl speeds through the images, following Elbaite's quick-winded explanation, but her mind is only half on the task. Meanwhile, she is cross-referencing all of the names on the petition to ban the weapon with those who had filed reports of criminal activity, and she is checking two other Databases for relevant information on the etymology of the term 'chisel'. The Diamond leaders are all nodding along to the information currently flowing from her mind, so she knows she is still keeping up with the presentation well.

"Pardon my interruption," the Pearl says. "I have a destabilizer in my Gem that I can easily repurpose into a Chisel, if it would be helpful for presentation purposes."

The leaders exchange a look. "Is that safe?" Blue Diamond asks.

"The weapon is dangerous at a distance of no more than ten centimeters," Pearl recites.

Yellow Diamond waves a hand. "Fine then. Show us, please."

Pearl draws the destabilizer and reconfigures it with a few small adjustments. She pushes the button on the side, and a low hum emits from the weapon. "From this distance, it can have no effect."

"Yes, but up close the effects can be devastating," Elbaite objects, looking perturbed as she studies the calm demeanor of her audience.

"The effects of a pocket knife can also be devastating up close," Yellow Diamond says calmly. "And I'm not willing or able to spend countless hours and hundreds of thousands of credits to ensure that Gems on the streets aren't stabbing each other with pocket knives."

"You think this is harmless as a pocket knife?" Elbaite lets out a hiss of frustration. No one responds. "None of you have seen what I have seen!"

Without warning, she snatches the disruptor out of the Pearl's hand. A red warning blares in her mind, but the Pearl does not have time to draw her weapon before she feels the tip of the disruptor against her forehead. Elbaite pushed a button on the side, and the low, barely audible hum reverberates once more through the chamber.

The train of thought she is tracing through three Databases is immediately severed as pain erupts like a volcano through her mind. A horrible, strangled cry ekes out of her, cracks spider-webbing across the gem in her forehead. It splinters, and several pieces drop to the floor.

RECORDING INTERRUPTED.

Cries of horror rise from the four members of the audience. Pink Diamond summons her shield as a barrier between their table and the Pearl and Elbaite. Her other hand hovers over her stomach to shield her gem from the vibrations. The other Diamonds draw their weapons and brandish them behind the shield. The other Pearl turns from the door, her spear also at the ready.

"Stop that at once!" Yellow Diamond barks.

Elbaite switches off the device and holds it out, cracking it over one knee. She lets the pieces fall to the floor with the Pearl's pieces. "Do you understand now?" she demands, tears glinting in her eyes.

The Pearl stops screaming and doubles over, hands over her gem as more splinters crumble out of it. She cannot connect to the database. She cannot continue to record the meeting.

"What is the meaning of this?" Yellow Diamond demands.

"That was completely… completely unnecessary," Pink Diamond echoes.

"You can't just crack my Pearl!" White Diamond smacks a fist on the table. "I love this Pearl! She's one of my favorites!"

"Now imagine you don't see it coming!" Elbaite screams. "And it's not just a Pearl who's victimized by this assault, but any or every one of us! And imagine there is no healer in sight." Her momentary satisfaction at having produced such a reaction from her leaders is quickly being replaced with terror and regret.

"Your point has been heard, Elbaite, though you certainly could have made it more peacefully," Pink Diamond says evenly. She turns to White Diamond. "I'll fix your Pearl. It'll only take a moment."

"Oh, thank you. Come here, Pearl."

Pink Diamond is out of her chair, stooping down in front of Pearl. "Stand very still," she says, and then places her hands on either side of Pearl's throbbing head. "Yes, I think I can fix this, as long as all of her pieces are still here."

"I will collect them," Pearl says, extricating her head from Pink Diamond's hands.

"You know, White Diamond, if you file a report and say she malfunctioned, they'll send you the new model for free," Blue Diamond mentions, off-handedly.

"The new one?" White Diamond grumbles. "Do you have any idea how long it takes to train these Pearls to do things how you want them done? I don't want the new one. I like this one. She never makes a mistake."

Elbaite's mouth is hanging open now.

The Pearl kneels down and brushes her gem shards into one hand. She can hardly see them through the spreading patches of darkness in her vision.

"Ah, but the new ones learn so much faster. They're always making improvements."

"I'll think about it, then."

It is against the law to lie in a report to the Pearl Placement office. But Pearl will not correct White Diamond if she chooses to apply for a new model. It is against her training. She stands shakily and cradles the shards against her chest.

"Just remember, you've got to turn in the broken one to the Placement Office to get a new Pearl. They don't want people just collecting them free of charge."

"All right then." White Diamond pauses. "Hold your tears for a moment, Pink Diamond."

Pink Diamond cuts her eyes to one side. "Are you asking me not to heal her?" Her tone is several shades darker than just a moment before.

"I'm asking you to hold _on_ just one moment while I make a decision," White Diamond says.

Pink Diamond returns to her seat. She draws out a handkerchief and dabs at her eyes.

Pearl takes a step back from the table. She can't risk losing any of the pieces in her hands while the Diamonds debate. But when she tries to form a bubble around the shards, she finds herself unable to maintain a spark of magic in her hands for more than a moment.

"Oh, bring them here, darling." White Diamond clicks her tongue sympathetically. She takes the shards and bubbles them quickly, pushing them under the desk.

"M-may I sit down?" the Pearl whispers to her liege. Her fingertips are numb.

"Of course you may," White Diamond says soothingly. "Just please find someone else to cover your post first."

Pearl's eyes flicker to the door, down the empty hall. There is no one else in this wing of the palace. But she is still functioning at 64% capacity, so she limps across the room and resumes her post. She goes to draw her spear but has to suppress a cry when her hand brushes the spiky texture of her cracked Gem. It flickers and shoots a hot wave of pain through her head, but no weapon emerges.

The Pearl by the left door draws an extra spear and passes it to her without looking her in the eye. She takes it and stands as erect as possible, attempting to tune back into the debate that is still raging.

"Do you have any questions on Elbaite's presentation, Pink Diamond?"

"Why does she have to stand?"

"Excuse me?" Yellow Diamond's eyebrows shoot up.

"That Pearl will not be able to react in a crisis. Did you see? She couldn't even summon her weapon."

Pearl's eyes dart around helplessly. Pink Diamond has drawn attention to her impairment. She seems unwilling to let the business go.

"Have you ever experienced an injury like that?" Pink Diamond continues, her voice more animated. "That Pearl is in an _incredible_ amount of pain."

White Diamond and Blue Diamond exchange a look of exasperation across the table.

"Are you in pain, Pearl?" White Diamond calls, leaning back in her chair.

The Pearl keeps her eyes trained ahead of her. She doesn't know why Pink Diamond is determined to see her removed from her position before the meeting ends. Her injury had interrupted their business enough today.

"I am functioning at 57% capacity," Pearl says, her voice low and unwavering, though in reality that percentage is fluctuating wildly with the stabbing knives in her forehead. "I am able to guard the door."

Whit e Diamond nods in satisfaction. "See, they're trained to deal with this sort of thing. You know they don't really feel things the way we do."

"Perhaps not." Pink Diamond rests her head in her hands on the table with an air of defeat.

"We'll have to return to this conversation later," Yellow Diamond says. "Pink Diamond, any questions for our concerned citizen before she spends some time in prison?"

Pink Diamond bites her lip and drags her eyes back to the front of the room. "No further questions. I vote to ban the Chisel under all circumstances."

The vote is unanimous. The weapon is banned. Pearl is faintly glad when her fellow guard escorts Elbaite out in handcuffs.

Whatever else they vote on in that meeting, she has no awareness of it. The voices become increasingly garbled as the morning wears on. Pearl's head pounds with a dull heat that rolls out through the rest of her body. The light in the gray hall around her fades to near darkness and then grows unbearably bright without warning.

They are not cruel. They will not make her work like this much longer. They will either have her scrapped or repaired when the morning is over.

Either will be a kindness.

A barking cough suddenly tears through her chest, and beams of light erupt from her gem in an uncontrollable fireworks display. Her vision gives out entirely for several long seconds. She pushes herself upright again and leans against the spear.

"I can't bear that sound," Yellow Diamond mutters.

"I can't bear to see them malfunctioning like this. You just know they deplore it, too. They've got to feel useful," Blue Diamond says. "I really think you'd like the new model."

Yes, the new model would guard the door and run the slides with greater efficiency.

"I'm just not sure about it," White Diamond says. She has always liked what is familiar.

"Well, if you want, you can come by and see my new Pearl before you make a decision."

"I'd appreciate that. But I can't do it today."

Dizziness washes through Pearl. No. When the meeting is over, she will either die or be repaired. White Diamond needs a new Pearl right away. She can't stay like this. She can't perform. She is at 34% capacity.

She feels eyes burning into her. But when she risks a glance upward, the other Pearl is still steadily avoiding her gaze. She slowly turns her hammering head to see Pink Diamond staring at her intently, eyebrows knit together. Pearl looks away quickly, forcing herself to stand up straighter. Her legs shake. A creeping numbness has spread to her extremities.

She is at 26% capacity and falling fast.

At 13:00 hours- by the other Pearl's reckoning, not her own- the Council meeting is adjourned. Yellow Diamond pauses in the doorway on her way out. She inspects Pearl's Gem and grunts in disapproval.

White Diamond remains in her chamber, pushing a button to revert the diamond-table back to the size and shape of her work desk. Pink Diamond hovers nearby.

"So how much does a Pearl's _training_ go for these days? It's been many years since I've looked into purchasing one."

"I thought you swore to wash your hands of the Pearl trade. Are you now compromising your position?" White Diamond quirks an eyebrow caustically.

"I'm willing to break my own rules from time to time. Now…?"

"I paid 350 credits to train that Pearl."

Pink Diamond purses her lips. "That's no trouble at all."

"But… the new model Blue Diamond spoke of is running at least 500 credits."

"That's _fine_ ," Pink Diamond says stoutly.

White Diamond slams her hands on her desk.

"For goodness's sake, you can take her at the low price! I can afford the difference, and but you certainly can't afford the records showing that you paid _500 credits_ for a broken Pearl. Stars in the heavens, I _worry_ about you sometimes, Quartz." She reaches under the table and brings out the bubble full of shards. "You'll need these. I hope she serves you well."

And then she calls from her desk, "You'll be going with Pink Diamond, Pearl. I thank you for your years of service." She doesn't stand up.

Pink Diamond. Pearl concentrates hard on the faces in front of her. She is very warm and it is difficult to remember things she has always known. Pink Diamond is the one who had gotten angry at her inability to draw her weapon. She is probably taking her to be scrapped. Pearl nods slowly. "Yes, your Excellency."

Pink Diamond makes her way to the huge set of double doors. "Pearl, are you ready to go? I have your bubble!"

"Yes, your Excellency. I'm happy to be in your service." She is at 17% capacity. She will be happy to die.

"Please, call me Rose."

"Yes, your Excellency." Pearl tilts her head forward in a halfhearted bow, covering her gem with one hand. Another cough rips through her, and several more infinitesimal pieces spill into her palm. Pink Diamond brushes them into her own hand and bubbles them, too.

"Try to keep your head upright. I don't want you to lose another speck of yourself."

Oh yes, Pink Diamond is also the one who offered to repair her, wasn't she? The Pearl can't remember. Her injury may have made her irrational with hope.

"Let's go to the garden. It'll afford a bit of privacy."

Pearl has never been in the garden before. She has not been out of doors once in the years since she came to the palace. A short flight of steps at the end of the hall leads down to a courtyard just as drab and gray as the inside of the palace. Pearl stops halfway to the bottom when the steps swim before her eyes.

"Forgive me," she wheezes, clutching at the railing. Her vision has given out again. It seems unlikely to return.

"Take your time. Your gem is extremely damaged." An unseen hand clasps her shoulder. Pearl flinches. "Please, I want you to tell me, Pearl. Are you in pain?"

Pearl shuts her eyes and tries to steady her breathing. She is functioning at only 12% capacity.

"Yes." She isn't sure why she admits it now. Her teeth grind together. "I am in pain."

Pink Diamond stifles a gasp. "Oh, I _knew_ it. I did. I-" Her voice, already dangerously shaky, threatens to give out. "Forgive me, Pearl. I wasn't sure. Do you think you can make it just a little bit further?"

"Of course," Pearl says.

She takes another step down and her mind short-circuits entirely.

For a long time, she is aware of nothing but the knot of fire searing her forehead. An indistinct voice cries out in dismay. There's movement that she really only feels when her gem is jarred, before her head is cushioned against something soft. She keeps her hands pressed tightly against the center of pain, but the garbled voice continues to murmur above her. Fingers close around her wrists, trying to pry her hands away from her gem. She hisses and curls her hands over it more tightly.

"I know," the voice coos. It's trembling and thick with tears. "I _know_ , and I'm so sorry. But you've got to let go, just for a moment."

The hands release hers after another moment of struggle and begin to card through her hair instead. Slowly, a fraction of awareness returns to her, though her vision still does not. Pearl cautiously lowers her hands and balls them into fists. She fights to keep them down at her sides as the air burns like acid against the open wound of her gem.

"Thank you."

Then Pearl feels the shards dropped, piece by sharpened piece, into her gem's hollow.

If she is screaming, she can't hear herself.

A drop of moisture lands in the wreckage of her forehead, and it sizzles. Pearl gasps sharply. The pain builds like a needle threading through her head, looping around, faster and tighter and white-hot.

And then it stops.

The pain abruptly recedes, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake.

Pearl's eyes snap open. She blinks at the canopy of trees above her. The edge of every leaf is sharply contoured against the sky, which is so dazzlingly blue it stings her eyes. She had remembered the sky being gray.

She is acutely aware of the breeze touching her face. It feels oddly cool against her cheeks, which are crawling with unfamiliar moisture. She wipes it away and then stares at her fingers in bewilderment. They are not gray, either, and now they are dripping with her tears.

Pearl turns her head against its soft cushion, which turns out to be the folds of a dress in a lap, and stares blankly at the bed of flowers before her. Their colors are also painfully bright to her watering eyes. She has never seen colors that bright, not in all the time since her creation.

"Pearl?"

So the garden is not, in fact, gray, and neither is Rose Quartz. Rose leans forward, blocking out the blue of the sky. A concerned pair of eyes peers down at Pearl from a curtain of brilliant pink curls. She didn't know a pink like that existed.

"Pearl, how do you feel?"

Pearl feels heat flood her face, concentrated in her cheeks this time, not from an ache in her Gem. She scrambles to sit up, then pushes herself to stand, drawing her spear and driving it into the cobblestone. Her fingers tingle, as if they're newly grown.

She drops to one knee before Rose Quartz, who is still seated on the garden wall. "Your Excellency, I thank you for- for repairing me. I apologize for my prior lack of cooperation. I- I was momentarily unaware… unaware of…"

She had been unaware of everything. She had been unaware of the colors.

In the next moment, Pearl is weeping uncontrollably.

"Oh, sweetheart," Rose coos, reaching for her hands. "Are you still hurting?"

"No, not at all," Pearl chokes out. "I don't… I don't know what's happening to me."

"It's all right. I expect that you're incredibly overwhelmed."

She had come very close to dying. They talked about scrapping her, right in front of her. She heard. She accepted it. It hadn't seemed like it mattered just a few minutes ago. Another Pearl would have done her job just as well.

How could it not have mattered? She would have died without ever knowing the sky was blue. She would have died thinking everything as gray as the inside of palace. But then, perhaps the palace does not exist on a grayscale either. Perhaps nothing does.

Rose brushes back her hair. "I do hope you'll forgive my curious gaze, dear. I've never seen a Pearl cry. It's… very unusual."

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

Rose pulls out her handkerchief and hands it to Pearl. "It's nothing to be sorry about. I'm happy, in fact. There are many who would say that… you aren't even capable of it."

"We aren't," Pearl blurts out, blotting at her eyes. She doesn't have a handkerchief stored in her gem. She has never needed one before. "I don't know how to explain. I've never felt like this before."

"Felt like what?" Rose asks patiently.

"A-all these colors," she stammers, immediately regretting it when Rose frowns in confusion. "N-never mind. I don't know." Whatever lock has been turned inside her, it has freed up not only some powerful emotions but also her formerly precise stream of thought. Even her words no longer seem to be under her control.

Rose bites her lip. "I wonder if my healing powers had some additional side effects on you. Or perhaps it's the rest of us who have misrepresented Pearls. I've often heard that Pearls feel neither pleasure nor pain, cannot laugh or cry… cannot respond to affection..." She touches Pearl's cheek softly. Pearl's eyes drift close. Her whole body sags with relief.

"I thought you would return to your original state, before your gem was cracked. But I know very little about Pearl Production. I've often wondered if they… if they broke something in you from the beginning."

Pearl doesn't know. She doesn't know if this is the correct way to feel. It is so much.

"Forgive me. You aren't a science experiment. And you don't need me to observe you. But… it would help me build a case, if I could stay in touch with you, Pearl. Wherever you go."

"Where am I going?" Pearl asks quickly. Not back to White Diamond, she hopes. The thought of the Gem she served faithfully for so many years now heats her with an anger she's never felt before, not even toward lawbreakers or rebels. Not even toward Elbaite and all the chaos and the pain she inflicted.

"Well, I suppose you can go wherever you'd like. You can have any job you've ever imagined. Or you can start imagining now, if you find you're able."

According to the Databases, there are countless places that Pearls can be employed on Homeworld, even more off planet. She had assumed that she was just going to trade White Diamond's tower for Pink Diamond's. She hadn't been disappointed in that thought.

"But… you've purchased me," Pearl says quietly.

Rose's eyes narrow. "That never should have been necessary, and you need never to mention it again. You belong only to yourself, Pearl."

She belongs to no one but herself. The thought opens up before her, wider and emptier and more colorful than the new blue of the sky. She knows nothing outside White Diamond's chamber. It sounds frightfully lonely, to belong to no one.

"May- may I stay with you anyway?" Pearl ventures. She is willing to train in any capacity to be of use.

Rose's expression softens. "I would love that. But, darling, that might not be safe for you. It might not be long before I am in a lot of trouble."

Pearl panics. "Because you purchased me? You weren't supposed to purchase me, were you?" She momentarily forgets that she is not supposed to mention it.

Rose smiles grimly. "Probably not, but that's the least of my offenses at the moment."

She does not see how Rose could have offended anyone.

"I could not bring myself to leave you if your hour of need approaches," Pearl insists, her voice growing stronger. "Not after you have stood by me in mine. It would be wrong. And I- I don't want to go anywhere else."

Rose seems to consider that. She pats the crumbling rock wall she's sitting on, the only truly gray thing in the garden. "Have you ever seen a sunset, Pearl?"

Pearl cautiously sits beside her. "Only in the Databases." She came to White Diamond's chamber on a Monday morning around 10:00 hours and never left.

"You're joking!"

"I don't think I know how to make a joke," Pearl admits.

"Well, one thing at a time. Let's start with a sunset."

They sit in silence for quite some time as the sun sinks before them. The silence is all right with Pearl. The intensity of everything around her is beginning to make her head spin. She hasn't even checked to see if she can connect to the Databases again. Why would she want to when there is already so much _information_ around her, inside of her? There is the mingled fragrance of the flowers, the curves of the clouds chasing each other across the sky, the waves of terror and longing that she can't begin to sort from each other. So yes, silence is a welcome thing.

The sun sinks in the gap between two flower beds, and then the sky catches fire. Fingers of orange and gold blaze outward from the horizon. Pearl's jaw goes slack.

"This happens every single night?" she whispers, enthralled. "Without fail?"

Rose laughs. The sound is so lovely, it makes Pearl want to weep again.

"Oh, Pearl. I know it's terribly selfish of me, but I would love it if you stayed," Rose says in a low voice. This time, she doesn't seem taken aback when Pearl starts to sob.

Perhaps this is how it feels to function at 110%. It hurts nearly as much as 12%, but in a different sort of way. It hurts more like healing than like breaking.

Pearl draws her knees up to her chest and drinks it all in. She's terrified and enamored with the brilliance of the sunset, the touch of the breeze, and the impossible pink of the curl on Rose's shoulder.

Stay she will, then.

* * *

 **I've always thought fan theories were fun, but I've never had one I've so badly wanted to be true. Let me know your thoughts. :)**


End file.
